Conception.. Let's Talk.

You all have been with me since day one on my fitness journey. You have supported me when I was 5 pounds down, 150 down, 20 pounds up, and in plateaus. You've read my feelings through it all or listened to the podcast Amy and I used to have.

So it only feels right to bring you along on this journey!

I'm prefacing this blog- I don't want sadness, pity, or anything along those lines. I am not sad nor is Tim. We are thrilled we have gotten this far.

Near the middle of June, I had some spotting that kind of came out of nowhere and I tried not to get excited. It lasted like 2 days then went away.

Well, it happened again. This time it had been going on a few days and I hadn't told anyone but Tim. I was concerned and confused but I figured it would go away again.

The night of day 3 I was fed up- I`d had my period, days of bleeding, and now more bleeding. It was scaring me and mentally just I was exhausted.

After talking with Tim, we decided that I would call my Mom and when I explained everything she was like we're going to the ER.

She picked me up and asked me if I could be having a miscarriage. The thought hadn't crossed my mind but it was possible.

The docors got me all settled and the tests started. They were all super nice and I explained that if the pregnancy came back positive that I would be thrilled.

Even if the pregnancy wasn't viable- I was so happy at the possibilty that my body did it.

I told them my story as we were all waiting together.

About an hour and a half later- I was told that I was pregnant.

I was told to avoid working out or lifting anything and to come back on Thursday for another blood test.

I knew I was high risk so I was ecstatic but my hopes were not high.

I was just so genuinely happy that it was possible for me to get pregnant. I worked so hard to be healthy and I had spent so long thinking it would never be possible.

I went home and told Tim- we were on the same page. We knew it was not 100% confirmed viable because of the bleeding and low levels but we did it!! This is a step in the right direction.

We decided it would be best to tell our families. That was SO special.

I went back for my bloodwork on July 3rd and my levels had lowered so the pregnancy ended in loss. Not the best news, obviously, but highly expected.

Over the weekend we went on a trip up north to relax and enjoy each other. We talked, laughed, cried a little, spent time in the water, had amazing food, and found the best coffees in the world. It was exactly what we needed!

I had another appointment yesterday to confirm my levels are back to not pregnant and met with my new midwife.

She didn't know my full story. I explained how I have PCOS, have lost 100+ pounds, have had regular periods and ovulation for over a year, and that I was just thrilled to make it this far.

She was so encouraging. She understood why I was smiling instead of crying.

My cycle may be messed up for a couple of months but she expects it to come back soon and she said because of everything she sees no reasons we won't eventualy be able to conceive.

I was so early, only 2 or 3 weeks, that the cells and development just didn't align. But I was pregnant!! Holy shit.

Last night I was able to work out again and it felt so good doing the thing that has helped me. I still have a little cramping with certain movements and I don't feel 100% great in my body yet. I have some swelling sticking around and just general blah feeling I`m working thorugh. I am going to be gentle with myself in certain ways through this journey.

I am choosing to not be sad but rather proud. Proud of who I am now, how far I have come, and how many goals I still have. This journey is all about positivity for us.

 Our time will come and we accept it when it's meant to be.

I'm writing all of this to share and to encourage. I never thought this would be possible and I know there's so many women out there expecting to see a negative every time too.

Taking care of our bodies doesn't solve every infertility issue but it can help SO many of them. To make you stronger mentally for the journey, help regulate hormones, muscles for birth, tight core, regulate fetal growth, etc.

Here is your sign to not stop and to keep going. Here is your sign to clean up your diet and stay hydrated. Here is your sign to MOVE.

What could it hurt? It might even change your life like it did mine.

Thank you for reading and for being so supportive through it all. I hope today's blog helps someone else out there too.

Until next Tuesday xx

Bekah