I didn't write last week and I know exactly why.
Fear and the little voice inside my head.
I'll be honest, I'm worried that my happiness is boring and repetitive.
Realistically, I know this isn't true.
I know that you all are supportive, I know I have a lot of words left to say, feelings to pour out, stories to tell, etc.
I just am still getting use to the fact that I seriously just feel good in life right now.
I couldn't be more thankful, excited, and ready for the future that the present is bringing us.
The energy is different- personally and professionally.
Last week, I woke up anxious a couple of times and had it hit me when I was driving at least once.
I hadn't felt anxiety to that level for a hot second and I was telling Amy about it.
She pointed something out to me- I don't have a problem right now, an issues to solve, or any negativity sucking my energy.
I am so use to figuring it out that I haven't just been, essentially, at peace for who knows how long.
Like even how I look at problems or situations that pop up is different.
Now, I need to focus on accepting this.
Accepting that I am a human that is allowed to have a baseline of being good.
I can be good even though I haven't figured it all out yet.
There is no need to being constantly ON.
Absolutely zero need to always be fighting something.
Currently, I feel like I'm learning to just be.
Not in a doing nothing and just causally existing type of way though.
More so in accepting the change in myself and the reality that I'm not as negative as I once thought I always would be way.
Self-acceptance is hard for me with emotions and vulnerability.
I have a tendency to not want to be human in that way and yes, I have gotten better but I'm still healing that relationship with myself.
I'm giving myself permission this week to do my best- no matter what that looks like.
To not be so damn hard on myself.
To not stress myself out constantly.
To possibility not have an internal panic attack if I let someone down or say no.
To nourish my body and do what makes me feel good.
To turn my brain off- last week, I could hardly do that even while working out!!
To not belittle my passion or feelings.
To accept that I'm becoming a better version of myself.
TO BE A FUCKING PERSON.
Yes, I'm still fearful as shit but do we change if we don't accept that and do it anyways???
I'm just thankful I have all of you to vent this all to and hopefully you relate to these feelings.
Let's be humans together.
Let's grow together.
Let's be simple yet complex together.
Let's push ourselves and each other.
Let's be Sweat Shoppers together forever, okay??
And if you aren't one- join here!